Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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