It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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