Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
