i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
