Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize