I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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