I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
