I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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