sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
