i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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