Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
