I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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