Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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