Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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