you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
