he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
