Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize