I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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