I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
