Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
