I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
