Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
