That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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