I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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