i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
