My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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