He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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