Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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