I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
