just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
