A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
