I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
