i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
