Where is the hickey?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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