none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
