I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
