Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
