I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
