Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
