You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
