We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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