My sheets look like a crime scene.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
