Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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