i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
