So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
