Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
