He kissed a someone with a penis
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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