I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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