thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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