Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
