Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
