wakey wakey hands off snakey
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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