is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
