I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just threw up on my dentist
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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