I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
