Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
