normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
