i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
