I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
