I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
