Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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