I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
