I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
