He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
