We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
