whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
