I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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