talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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