Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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