you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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