she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
